Sunday, June 22, 2008

The Beauty Beat--Stories from Lovita's Cut'n Strut Salon. . .by Lovita Mae Horton



Lovita's Cut 'n Strut ain't your average salon. We git all types of people in here. For instance, yesterday a stranger walked in thinking we were a "saloon," not a salon. I told him the only thing close to spirits in our shop was the blue sanitizing liquid we use for rat tail combs, and that just wasn't gonna cut it! Haha--I guess that's beauty salon humor for you.

My sidekick, Sue Jan is mostly the one who keeps things interesting 'round here. Something always seems to happen in orbit around her world, if you know what I mean. The other day, she accidentally sat herself down on a cactus, though she was aiming for a tree stump. I thought I'd split my seams laughing. Sue Jan wasn't laughing much at the time though. She must've had a hundred cactus needles in her rumpus room area. Took old Doc Nasale an hour to get 'em all out.

She's always cooking up some scheme to find a husband. The woman's desperate and pert near one hair from becoming a full-fledged stalker. No stranger who comes to town is safe from her. She knows more about them in half an hour than the federal government would in a year. No takers though. I always tell her men can sense a desperate single woman like a zebra herd can smell a lion nearby. They run. I think it's because men like to think they do the hunting. Smart women are the ones who really do the hunting, but they let the man think he's doing it. It's just that simple. I sound like I know what I'm talking about, but I don't have a man either. I gave up looking. Men think plus size is hard on the eyes. But Sue Jan says she and I are "big bodaciously beautiful women." Maybe so. But so far, no man has agreed with that statement.

Anywho, aside from Sue Jan, there's not much going on around here. Although my daddy, Clark W. Horton used to tell me that most folks have a secret or two to keep. I found it hard to imagine in our little town of Wachita, but daddy sure knew what he was talking about. he caught his share of scoundrels and lawbreakers in the region. I guess that's what's expected of a Texas Ranger though. He was real modest about how good he was at investigating. Said, "Even a blind hog find's an acorn ever' now and then." And I guess that's true, but not where my daddy was concerned. He knew just where to look.

Sometimes I wish I'd followed in his footsteps. But the silver star ain't for everyone. I guess my silver star's a blow dryer. But who knows. Maybe I'll find an acorn one of these days. . .

Look for Misfortune Cookies in 2008! Coming Soon!
www.coffeeteaandthee.org
www.babeswithabeatitude.com
wwwinternalmonoblogcom.blogspot.com 

6 comments:

Ausjenny said...

sounds like an interesting place to be and an interesting salon.
will be looking out for the books.

CHickey said...

This book sounds hilarious! I can't wait to read it.

Linda Kozar said...

Thanks gals--Sue Jan and Lovita can't wait to meet ya.

Mary Connealy said...

I like Sue Jan and Lovita already. LOL, great post.

Linda Kozar said...

Thanks Mary. The girls like you too!

Deena said...

I'd love a copy to review on my blog:-) Check me out at http://deenasbooks.blogspot.com